you scare me

you scare me
you’re everything that i oppose
all the things i fail to understand
yet claim to know
we’re on the different ends of a pole
i am passion
you stand with balance
i am madness
you are peace
i am a bunch of mess in pieces
while, you’re so damn organized
i am freedom
you are plagued with responsibility
you love the world
every bit of it
every living creature
odd and beautiful
connection is your plea
solitude, i am comfortable with
you are everything authentic
which makes you
all there is exquisite
as i am, mere copies
of things i believe in
you and i are a bad mix
i am the bad news
tattered in every paper
you are the single good
rare, more than a diamond
you are an emerald
so darling, yes you scare me
gentle as you are
caring, loving
never perfect
you don’t care to be
honey, you are your own
the ground you’re standing on
you built it
sexy, independent
it’s annoying
how unintentionally
you make me want for more..

self analysis

i cared
for the most part i did
but my timid mind
went ballistic

i lost
all the restraint
and self-control
now, i am vulnerable

i spoke
all the truth inside of me
i told u everything there is
thoughts never ceased

i rose
from the echoes of my mind
a schizo on denial
sublime whispers each night

i drowned
to every fantasy i line
alone, undesired
unwanted, denied

i breathed
walking this life in shadows
hiding my evil twin
but, it is emerging

i waited
i have a lot of inconsistencies
i love you, but deserve you
is a different story

i’m scared
there’s a lot i need to process
but, i’m blocking it with cigarettes
now, everything is scattered

i cared
i lost
i spoke
i rose
i drowned
i breathed
i waited
now, now- i’m scared
although, somehow
i am relieved
with each stroke of this pen
i felt free
for the paper never judged me

still- i regret this self analysis
fighting the same darkness
craving for attention
fearing people’s words

shall i? abandon this regression
you should not see me like this
pained, weak, negative
ashamed of what i hid..