self analysis

i cared
for the most part i did
but my timid mind
went ballistic

i lost
all the restraint
and self-control
now, i am vulnerable

i spoke
all the truth inside of me
i told u everything there is
thoughts never ceased

i rose
from the echoes of my mind
a schizo on denial
sublime whispers each night

i drowned
to every fantasy i line
alone, undesired
unwanted, denied

i breathed
walking this life in shadows
hiding my evil twin
but, it is emerging

i waited
i have a lot of inconsistencies
i love you, but deserve you
is a different story

i’m scared
there’s a lot i need to process
but, i’m blocking it with cigarettes
now, everything is scattered

i cared
i lost
i spoke
i rose
i drowned
i breathed
i waited
now, now- i’m scared
although, somehow
i am relieved
with each stroke of this pen
i felt free
for the paper never judged me

still- i regret this self analysis
fighting the same darkness
craving for attention
fearing people’s words

shall i? abandon this regression
you should not see me like this
pained, weak, negative
ashamed of what i hid..

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