Into your liking 2

(the other half in the relationship)

Drowning from thoughts
Voices in my head
Each wanting me to follow them
Then I look at you
The unspoken turmoil
Is gone in instant
Silence is what you give me
A temporary stillness
In a bond of affliction
An addiction arises
A quiet obsession to suppress
Repressed, I keep holding back
Coz I’m afraid
That once I let go
You’ll see
Jagged pieces of me
The variations of myself
Deposited through
Unconquered difficulties
I was never whole
I have been walking
With a protective coat
So no one would see
Scars and bruises
That painted my body
Then you appear at my horizon
Parts of me light up
Parts of me are still in the dark
Understand, I am calm
But nowhere near benevolent
Coz in my head
Honey, in my head
Demons became my master
You’re the only one who
Mutilated their tongues
Seized them from talking
But, they live in me
Ruled my being
It’s their language
That I will always speak
I like the torture they bring
I let them
There’s meaning in this suffering
I’m sorry for making you
The recipient of my inconsistencies
And, I’d never know how in your eyes
I appear at a pedestal
When clearly, I am, not one
But many fears
Acceptance and approval
You have afforded me
Don’t leave
Or they’ll start to speak
I can’t breathe
My own world is choking me
I can’t clean up my own mess
You don’t have to remind me
You shouldn’t be one of them
Stop telling me what to do
Instead, tell me I did well
So my weariness won’t be
Our burden
I’m tired
I can’t deal with everyone
I’ve been carrying
Loads on my shoulders
You don’t have to
Be a part of them
Don’t go
Give me back my clarity
Silence the demons in my head
Simply ‘coz I can’t.

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