Alone, not lonely

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Go forth and procreate. Who isn’t familiar with this verse? No one is ignorant and I believe no one on earth will tell you he hadn’t heard of it. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have thought Barney from “How I Met Your Mother” constructed the very idea and forged it in their Bro Code Book. Doesn’t this sound more of a male excuse to keep them warm from another cold unbearable night or more of a religious propaganda and see who has the largest number of followers? Whatever it is, one of the impact of this verse is inscribed an influence giving rise to the connotation that being alone is a huge stigma in our society. It had established fears of not being accepted and not belonging to anyone. Most of the time, the fear itself becomes their drive to run around and desperately grab hold onto someone. This is actually where people manipulate love to counter the  believed effects of being alone. We were led to believe that alone equals to lonely. If you are lonely, do something about it. You don’t have to toy with other people’s emotions in order to make you feel at ease. Deal with it.

We perceive that being alone is a horrifying thought. They have successfully instilled shame with the word. People stare as if something must be incredibly wrong with you. Assume that you are incapable of human relation. Just look at Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages: Intimacy versus Isolation, “Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation.” If you are alone, you are associated not only with isolation but being a failure, strong words for which our ego can barely take.  No wonder nobody wants to be identified as alone. The word seems to be so haunting.

However, I disagree. If you are alone, embrace it. It is a gift, live free. Taste every solitary moment with freedom. Ponder, explore your own thoughts. Open those secure pessimistic doors that riddled your existence and threw you off balance. We are given the opportunity to create something amazing. Do something that has the potential to change lives or rebuild perceptions. I don’t think Erikson would have had come up with the Psychosocial Stages if he wasn’t left alone by his comrades. Instead of seeing yourself in the eyes of others, why not capture your intricacies in your own mind? Learn more about yourself and not be defined by others. When we are alone, we are at our optimal predisposition, would you agree?

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4 thoughts on “Alone, not lonely

  1. I completely agree! When I taught abroad in Honduras I was constantly stared at when I’d eat alone at restaurants or enjoy my own company with a cup of coffee. Sometimes people even came up to me and asked where my boyfriend or husband was and I would happily reply that I was alone. But was I lonely? Certainly not. My mother has always said that if you don’t know how to be happy when you’re alone you’ll never know how to truly be happy and content when you’re with someone else. Great post and I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • thank you so much.. i remember a woman who built her business under the concept that no other businesswoman would be eating alone in restaurants because of all the discomfort it brings like what you have mentioned. i have nothing against her, but wouldn’t it be better if she reminded these women, told them, “Hey, we’re all businesswomen, building everyone’s careers. Be proud, don’t mind about society’s tortuous views of how you should be.” And, I, too, completely agree with you and your mom. 🙂

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