satan’s sentiments

satanImage courtesy of Chin S.

dear God, what were you thinking?
population explosion, seriously?
did you preach fuck as many?
now we have to work double shifts
in order to keep up with those kids
i paid for pamphlets and pills
arranged wholesome videos
for family planning

dear God, Santa- what did you give him?
rheumatoid arthritis?
that isn’t funny!
half of the time, i was the one
who sorted out
the nice from the naughty

dear God, abortion, really?
that’s just twisted
those babies wake me up
three AM daily!
they terrified me
tormented my sleep
how was i to know?
Chinese milk had melanin
boughtem in bulks
for it was cheap

dear God, you killed the party people
liver cirrhosis, HIV, and
a hell lot of new diseases
i put “H 500 meters ahead” for effect
i paid extra for it
do not give that lame excuse
you have misinterpreted it
too many times before
too many times after that

dear God, every ungodly creature
are now at my doorstep
they thought i created them
they‘re calling me father for Pete’s sake!
i do not offer free food and lodging
i am not known for my altruistic potential
i do not own an adoption agency
plus, do you realize how weird it is
that a glittered vampire
watches me every single time i sleep!

laslty, why did you send hitler here?
he was a drinking buddy
yes, was, for he is
a backstabbing bitch
he had been wanting my throne
started a Coup d’état
not everyone agreed so he-
killed half of my employees
raised their armpits as i walked
bought deo’s for ‘em all

dear God, i quit
even without two weeks’ notice
consider this my resignation letter
i‘m over worked, stressed, and fatigued
less compensated at your will
do not beg me to stay
do not tease me
as being your whiz kid
that’s it, i need a vacation
PS i can afford it!